


Pants, Magic, Dance

by VealChopz



Category: Labyrinth (1986), Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-08
Updated: 2016-10-08
Packaged: 2018-08-20 07:29:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8241343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VealChopz/pseuds/VealChopz
Summary: A requested Submission.The Writing Prompt:A Pride and Prejudice and Labyrinth Crossover.  The Codpiece has to be a main character.As seen on Freddy's Fan Fiction





	

My story begins as any other of my cursed time period. Women fluttering in pastel gowns in an enormous ball room while the unattached men tried not to wind up engaged to some slobbering hound in an umpire waisted gown. Much to my dismay, my story does not end in the way you would think. I shall start from the beginning. 

While I had detested parties with the common socialite crowd, the fact that I may be able to glance upon Elizabeth's rosy, blossoming beauty almost made me want to attend the event Charles had placed in the way of my evening's end. To please the lovely young woman, I made sure to wear a color that appealed to her delicate senses, a soft pewter that Elizabeth had complimented just weeks before at a very similar meeting of aristocratic minds. 

The carriage ride to Bennet estate was a long one. Almost too long. For the excitement of seeing the ever so polished Elizabeth had begun to creep up from my loins and began to heat the delicate flesh of my neck. I had told myself to manage my body's reaction to being tempted with the proximity of Elizabeth's pastel draped body. Elizabeth was fond of me, as I her. It would not take many more gatherings for me to obtain what I had grown to covet. 

Upon entering the elegantly decorated ball room, my eyes immediately began to search for Elizabeth. A hunter searching out his prey. She had told me she would be wearing blue this evening. Unfortunately, the china blues of the architecturally inviting walls made any woman seem to blend in to the background. It took far longer than I would have liked to find Elizabeth. 

By the time my eyes finally settled on the cherub-like face of Elizabeth, my blood had began to pump furiously in my ears, drowning out the pleasant chirping of the house orchestra, playing classics with bored, carefully blank expressions. The bile had nearly began to rise, threatening to burn the elegantly primped scarf around my neck. 

 

The relief was instantaneous and nearly embarrassing. If Elizabeth noticed my sigh of relief, her glittering, mischievous eyes gave not a hint. The smile that lit her angelic features was vixenly and coquettish in nature. I immediately dipped at the waist, retrieving her delicate fingers in my own.

As I pressed her delicate, softly scented flesh to my lips, I hoped she would not notice my own body's reaction to that troublesome smile. Hoping to gaze once again upon her lovely face while still covered by my position, my eyes stopped. Catching in my peripheral something black and glittering like star light. That is when I saw him. A bulge... nay a protrusion of such sexual elegance my breath caught in my throat. 

The man was not important, though I am not afraid to admit he was physically significant in a way that a lightning bolt was significant to the only tree in a field. Unfortunately for the man, his prowess was engulfed by the vortex that was such a spectacular cod piece.

Before I realized what I was doing, I was forcing Elizabeth out of my way. Elizabeth's yelp of surprised falling deafly on my ears as my feet carried me towards the oddly dressed man who's mix matched gaze seemed to look but see nothing of his surroundings.

I ignored Elizabeth's indignant protest, drawing in as many detail of the new presence as my mind raced towards complete and total destruction.

What had truly caught my attention-w as not the extravagant outfit that seemed to beacon of days of fop, it was his PANTS. If you could call them pants. The gray material seemed to cling as if painted with some sort of fabric paint. In my honest opinion it was an intentional device to draw attention to the being of pure sexual perverseness that was drawing me inward.

Once I was within speaking distance of the odd man, I realized that though the man was here, there was actually no real life force within the face of the space like oddity. All of the magnetic power was coming from the masculine piece of sexual antiquity. 

I gracefully bowed to the newcomer, my eyes not on his face- but that magnificent cod piece. Then it spoke. 

The cod piece. It spoke in a voice that sang a perfect allegory for Jesus Christ himself... but if Jesus Christ embodied a lion. His words caught me off guard. "No one can blame you for walking away."

Not sure what that meant or if it was addressing myself and the young woman who was undoubtedly cursing my name to every person who would listen, I straightened myself. "I-I beg your pardon, sir?"

I sounded like a frightened young child, not the adult man that I was. But given the situation I had found myself in, I now have come to forgive myself. As if I were stupid, the cod piece spoke again, louder, with an edge of whimsical enchantment. "No one can blame you for walking away. Too much rejection. No love injection. But down in the underground, you'll find someone true."

What in the name of the Savior did that mean? To be honest, I didn't truly care... but it certainly made my head spin in a way that made me lose all traction.

\-----

The difference between a man and woman dancing together and two men dancing together is that two men don't really fit together. Yet, I found myself on my knees, slow dancing with my face pressed gingerly to that immaculate cod piece, my hands resting on the pockets of the strange man's coat pockets.

He smelled of glitter... if that was even possible. The smell hung on my clothes, hair, and tickled the inside of my nostrils. Little did I know that scent would haunt me the rest of my living days. I was about to say something undoubtedly foolish when his voice ruined my train of thought. "You remind me of the babe."

That made absolutely no sense. His velvety voice didn't quite knock me off my stride. After a moment of silence, I had to ask. "What babe?"

Oddity's voice was filled with syrupy intensity. "The babe with the Power."

I wasn't quite sure I was getting anywhere with this line of inane questioning... but I felt compelled to ask..."Wha-what power?"

It was if the cod piece was smiling. The Man attached to the Oddity smiled with it. Strange... an inanimate object smiling. But it did no less. "The power of VooDoo."

Insanity. VooDoo was a myth... not even real. What was he suggesting? Maybe VooDoo was the explanation for a talking piece of fabricated male enhancement. Before I could stop myself, I heard myself speak as if to prove what I had heard wrong, "Who do?"

His reply stunned me. At his words, I realized the entire ballroom was watching us. Me- on my knees, my face lovingly pressed against a cosmological oddity's genitals, He- a cod piece. "You do."

I felt stupid. Heat flooded my face, my hands began to sweat through the cosmic fabric of the oddity's jacket. Was he accusing me of something? I rose to my feet, instantly offended. This conversation was beginning to sound like an interrogation, and I wasn't the one with the questions. "Do... what?"

A wicked smile crossed the man's lips. As I watched his powder pink lips curl into a fiery smile, the feline voice said something that ruined the web of intoxication that I appeared to be under. "You remind me of the babe."

This conversation was not meant for me. I realize it now and feel an enormous sense of shame and humiliation over it to this day. But I had nothing to say but the obvious. "What?"

The man began to walk backwards, through the crowd. Yet, I could hear the voice of the Oddity clear as day. "Can you hear me, Major Tom?"

MAJOR TOM?? My name was certainly not Major Tom. Who was Major Tom? I did not have the chance to ask. As my blood began to boil, the Man kept moving backwards, vanishing behind random ball attendees. As I followed, I had to push through people to keep a track on the man, and Oddity. 

Just as I felt I was about to catch the pair, there was a whoosh of what could only be the wings of a large bird. To my surprise, a larger than normal barn owl took off towards the doors. The man and Oddity were nowhere to be seen. Just the owl. 

As the owl cleared the doorway, my stunned silence gave way to the oddest sensation. I looked down at my clothes. They were covered in a find powder of a glittery substance.

\----

I awoke, confused and drenched in sweat. My skin, hair, mustache, and clothes were covered in the same, strange powder I had dreamed of. It was... odd. The properties of the substance needed further study.

Unfortunately for that bastard, Edison, I used the substance to fuel my greatest invention. Today, they call it a coil. A Tesla Coil. 

~FIN~


End file.
